While I typically use this blog mostly for sharing our daily lives with our friends and family through photos and stories (a.k.a. bragging about my kids), our family has walked through something this year that I want to document and remember in the future. (I recently found out I can my blog into a book, and think this should be recorded as part of our family life this year.)
Over a year ago Daniel and I began discussing changing churches. It was for a variety of reasons, mostly revolving around trying to figure out what was going to be best for our family in the long run. The church we were attending is small (but growing) and there aren't a lot of young families in the church. It has it's strength and weaknesses - as do all churches, but for me it had become family. There were a lot of things about the church we love...focus on the Word, right in our neighborhood, and genuine, welcoming people to name a few. And, the body of Christ has served us sooo much as we welcomed our two children into the world with baby showers and meals.
But, although we had attended regularly and had been fairly involved for three years, we had never both been at peace about joining the church at the same time. At first, I was more skeptical and hesitant and then Daniel was. When Dan started talking seriously about visiting other churches, I was sad...but, supportive. I knew if we weren't both content with our church that eventually it would cause major problems in our marriage and family. Although I didn't want to leave, I did want Daniel to be happy and to find a place we could both agree on. He was also sympathetic to my feelings and didn't want it to just be a role reversal, where we just went somewhere else and he was content, but I wasn't.
We visited several churches, but didn't fall in love with any. It's hard to really "get to know" a church when you only attend once in a while. And, both of us are looking for more than just a great Sunday morning experience out of our church home. Around Thanksgiving, we decided to try plugging into the church that seemed like the 'best' choice until the end of the year and then re-evaluate.
The new church is much bigger - probably 10 times bigger - which provides more resources, but also a completely different atmosphere. I still miss the relationships at the old church and the comfort of being known. Looking back, God had been graciously preparing me for this change though. I had been in a summer bible study at that church, so I had met several women already. Also, the MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group that I have loved attending this year meets at that church and several of the moms involved go there. Plus, some good friends of ours go there and helped us get acclimated. These connections helped to make the church feel less impersonal and intimidating to me. We've been attending there regularly about 6 months and while it doesn't feel like home (yet), overall, it's been good for our family. We are growing in our relationship with God, making new friends, and doing better at spending time in the Word.
But, what I wanted to record here is the way God worked in us to change a potentially divisive decision into an opportunity to willingly submit to one another (Ephesians 5:21). Since we are both pretty laid back (and are still crazy in love), we don't have major disagreements all that often, but typically when we do, it causes tension, tears, resentment and bitterness. This time it was different...while definitely emotional, we didn't direct our emotions at each other, but were able to listen to each other, take our time really sort out our true feelings, desires, and fears, and realize that we really ultimately desired the same thing - to be in the best place for each member of our family to grow in Christ. Daniel was willing to remain at the other church if that's what I really wanted...and not begrudgingly, he would have made the most of it. And, I was willing to lay aside the security of the old church, in order to find a new place with even more potential for everyone. It was neat to be able to follow Daniel's leadership, even as it hurt, with a willing heart...and knowing he was willing to sacrifice for me too. We are still in transition, but this process has grown us individually and brought us closer together.
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3 comments:
Thanks for posting. As we are on the opposite end of things (a church looking for a new pastor), I know at least a few of the feelings. I hope things go well with your new church home.
Hope you guys are doing well with the rest of life; perhaps we should schedule a beach trip this summer?
EPC will begin to feel like your family...Leaving our friends and pastoral staff there was the hardest part about leaving Jax. All the staff cared about us on a personal level and it's hard to find that in a bigger sized church. There is a good chance we'll end up back in Jax and when we do, there will be little discussion as to where you'll find us on a Sunday morning. I hope you grow to love it as much as we did, and if not, that God will show you where he wants you to be.
I loved reading this post! How you shared your uncertainty of leaving the comfort zone of your smaller church to move onto something bigger and better for your family, and then afterwards how you were able to see how God was preparing you for the change all along... I don't know why I am ever surprised at how amazing God is in His timing and the way He works through events and people and how He guides our decisions if we dare to Be Still and Listen!
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